the failure one

my life is getting more and more empty....
and my heart is getting numb....
why i keep repeating this same word over and over again....
I'm tired of it..........
I want to breakthrough....but...
I'm weak and tired....i no longer had the courage...
to lift up my finger...to move my body...
god why you tortured me like this.....
my life is a waste... so why I'm here ...wasting all my life doing nothing..
it's pathetic ......i can no longer bear with it...
and now i no longer want to blame anyone else...
because all the fault is me...
because i cannot survive....
because I'm the failure one....

this poem is by Rubi Karia.

things are not so well

i got frustrated with myself. works now is lot harder ang my lecture is really crazy...i cannot do mybest coz i don kn0w how...i really felt like want to quit.oh....i'm tired.world is mean. i don think i can survive.......

Hidup tanpa matlamat...........26 august 2009

Its took me a week to wake up from my nightmare. I did’t come to class and don’t do anything. I’m hurt everyone around me, ma ,abah, eipa, hafiz, yun, sue and akak... i’m totally lost. It’s all started with en. Hafiz design class, he give me mark for my story’s board that make me so stupid and useless.its 8/20. I never felt so low. And then it’s my birthday, eifa don celebrate me but celebrate sue instead. They kidnape her n hafiz just set me to stay at home. No fun at all. No fun at all. And then all the sudden hafiz call me and want me to take the video. Hello!! Who am I? I’m the birthday girl not suraya hani. I hope i can release my tension on my birthday. No one with me that night. Eifa stay in the campus that night. I wish that someone would accompany me and just had I chat and wish my birthday... that all. That why I don talk to her for few days. It’s hurt but I make her cried..i’m so bad for makng my girlfriend cried..huhuhu..sorry iepa. So my phone is my savior. I just call anyone that I knew. Luckily the next day on my birthday, when I stay alone outside(akak n linda is doing their work while attempt my craze) amsyar come wanted to met eifa but she asslept. And all the blues I just asking him out. We go had a quick drink at rahman. That gud enough to lift up my mood. Then yesterday nor come to my home and accompany me all night.( meronggeng la..ha3!!!) we actually want to find roti segar but its just to far away on the lonely and dark road on the skuter. Bundle singgit pon tutup huhuhuh.... so we hang out in the restaurant that full of light on the side road. That the greatest give ever nor give me.. she really surpotive person. Then we hang out at petrolnas UTP until the light is off. On the way back we found man wallet on the ground, so the next morning we make report at police station. Wao!! That the first time I been in the police station...ha3!!!.
Ma call td. Kak mintak maaf ngn ma abah. Kak call time birthday kak aritu. Pastu kak salahkan ma abah sebab kak bosan hidup, kak tak tau solat x katam ngaji. Hidup cam siao... I blame them all these years. But today I’m ask for their forgiveness. Woa!! Aku dah matang...
At first I felt really terrible coz I don have matlamat in life. But now I cool. Its okey not to have a mission or vision in life. I’m still young, I just want to chilled down and enjoy what the world give. I want to see clearly, everything n anything. And be the part in this world. It is something new and exiting. Now I know something, if we want something to work we must make it exiting and enjoyable, ha3!! Have fun and enjoy!!!!

The story begin.......21 august 2009

Rubi read a book called ‘the story of you n how to create a new one’ by Steve chandler. It’s motivated me to thinks and decides upon the story of my life. I want to create my own story not with vivd imagination or the fairytale. I’m not the princess who waits for the prince charming. I’m Rubi, Siti Rubiah Binti Zakaria the master of my own story. And that all it is. I know that all this year the world present me darkness coz i never want to find the light. I’m so depress and upset that I don want neither to see anything nor to hear anything. I’m always in the shadow and doze with ecstasy of dreamland that captures my heart. I saw nothing so that why i don know anything. And that is the story of my life told by me.....the story is nothing. But now i decide that i want something in my story. I want to move along with my life. And i want to hear and see what the life present to me and i want to remember my own decision. Soooo..........................................

LET THE SITI RUBIAH BINTI ZAKARIA’S BEGINS............